Posts tagged portrait

If our post from yesterday about dating Swedish men confused you, today we’re bringing a true story about how hard it is to start a relationship in Sweden. This is the story of a Scottish woman who moved to Sweden and realized that the things she took for granted (such as the men making the first move) are far from happening here. Swedish men are just special, aren’t they?

Hope it will clarify things for you, instead of making them even more blurry. So girls, take the first step, cause even if you think it’ll kill you to try, it might actually lead to a beautiful love story. Guys, if you’re tired of waiting for the international women to get you, just man up and make the first step. I think it’s actually pretty exciting. So…it goes like this:

“I don’t expect very much from men. I’m quite capable of supporting myself. In my first seven months in Stockholm I moved, dragging cases, boxes, a little cart from IKEA and a myriad of ICA bags no less than eight times, all on my ownsome. I wield a mean electric drill, can change a tire and I laugh in the face of complicated tax returns. However.

I expect them to seduce me.

It’s only fair. We have to go through childbirth for heaven’s sake, surely the excruciating agony and inside-churning terror of going in for that first kiss when there is no guarantee that the kiss-ee won’t respond with “urgh, what are you doing?!” balances the scales?

Further, it’s a matter of clarity. When the accepted convention is that the man will make the moves (albeit with plenty of ever so subtle encouragement), if he does not do so, it is a reasonable assumption that he isn’t interested and you can go along your merry way.There is no such clarity here in Sweden.

There is a boy I like. We meet for coffee on a fairly regular basis. There is often encouraging body language (mirroring, leaning towards one another, occasional brushes of knees under the table that very nearly make my head explode), and our text-banter is the stuff of legend. However. There has been, as yet, no attempt from him to get to know me better. You know, nakedly. So I figured that he was, for unfathomable reasons, immune to my charms and put the whole thing down to a friend situation, albeit with the occasional risk of head-explosion.

Until, I happened to describe our most recent coffee to a Swedish friend who promptly diagnosed that he is interested, and waiting for me to make a move. Me to make a move! I never heard of such a thing. Not least as, how am I expected to go in for a snog with someone who is practically a foot taller than me? I will definitely lose the advantage of seductive surprise if I start carrying a crate around, and I am almost certain that a flying leap will not end well. So we’re stuck.

On the other hand, recently I went to the cinema with a friend. There’s never been anything that I would describe as a flirtatious frisson between us, so when he asked me to see a film, I happily wandered along wearing a big woolly jumper and glasses. At the end of the evening, he walked me home and said something to the effect of “good date, let’s do it again sometime.” What? Date?! But I’m wearing a big woolly jumper and glasses! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a false eyelashes and Wonderbra kind of girl, but the poor chap deserved better than a big woolly jumper and glasses. If only I had realised.

To be fair, whether or not a man is interested is always something of a mystery; but when there are certain conventions in place, you’ve got at least a rough map with which to navigate those complicated waters towards true lurve. I don’t mind going Dutch, but I do miss that clear signal, if he reaches for the bill, that he considers it to be a date. If there are any such conventions in Sweden I have yet to discover them, so I sit in coffee shops, trying to stop my head from exploding, wondering if equality in matters of getting to know one another nakedly is all it’s cracked up to be?”

By Claire Duffy- http://yourlivingcity.com/stockholm-guide/dating-sweden/

Looking for some new Swedish curiosities, we stumbled upon a very funny post of an American woman. She presents us the A-Z of dating Swedish men. So, for our international readers who are planning on conquering the heart of a Swedish man, read this first :) As for the Swedish man reading it, do you recognize yourselves in this portrait?

“So let’s figure out the A to Z of Swedish men:

A – American Dating, what’s that? “We have sex first, then see each other.”
B – Beautiful and blond. How awesome is that?
C – Confusing; few understand the male species and even less understand the Swedish man
D – Dutch dates are possible, especially if in Sweden.
E – Equal opportunity. Hold that door for yourself.
F – Fashionable. Men sport color and style in Sweden!
G – Growing chest hair, not a fur coat, is needed. (Anonymous comment from a male friend)
H – Hair gel is a necessity, not an option.
I – IKEA will be the ‘big step’ in your lives as couple.
J – Jeans, can they get any tighter?
K – Kinky … so the rumors say…
L – Lagom. They want life and love and everything else in between to be “just right” or rolling down the middle of the road. Pushing men too hard left or right, risks alienating them and sending them away.
M – Mysterious. Ask many questions, answer few of their own.
N – Nagging is what girls may feel when the Swedes are unresponsive. It’s okay, give the guys some space and time to write/text you back.
O – Obtuse, like any man, the Swedish man has proven to be equally if not more obtuse at times.
P – Punctual; don’t show up late for a date.
Q – Quiet and shy describes 90% of Swedish men in Sweden and 10% abroad. Okay, exaggeration but they lose their very quiet nature when going abroad.
R – Rude; if you don’t know the ways of Swedes, they can be perceived as rude. This is especially true if you believe the man should pay for dates, etc when he is more in dutch / equal paying.
S – Sambo, rhymes with mambo, is the traditional way for Swedish being ‘together’ but not married.
T – Text messaging is the best way to communicate with Swedish men. It may be the best way to communicate in general for Swedes.
U – Unemotional, hard-to-read, and sometimes stoic, the Swedish man keeps his feelings to himself.
V – Valentine’s Day is nearly nonexistent in Sweden; don’t fret if nothing happens on this un-special day.
W – Wintertime is the period in the year to not dump your swede. Stay inside and cuddle during the miserable Swedish November. When springtime approaches, feel free to move on to greener grass.
X -
Y – Youthful appearance but sagacious within.
Z – Zealous with text messaging. Really? I still have not understood the obsession with texting. :P”

Anything to add for this A-Z?

Reblogged from http://lostinstockholm.com/2010/03/20/the-a-to-z-guide-on-dating-swedish-men/